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Chronicles of the Knights Simplar
Looking for Logic on the Liberal Left...this may take awhile

No More K. Annan, Now we want Farrakhan!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

(This is a Precision Guided Humor Assignment, for the Alliance of Free Blogs)
Late last night, in a heated closed session-pizza party-Slip N' Slide jamboree, Louis Farrakhan was elected the new Secretary General of the United Nations. While Kofi Annan's tenuous position as Secretary General has been the subject of many ponderous columns in leading newspapers, and many bake sale fundraisers at the New York Times, this latest news took even the most jaded pundits by surprise.

Maureen Dowd, beguilingly astonished as she was, managed to sniff a few lines...out. She wrote "We were all voting for Saddam! I mean, who better? With thanks to George Bushy Busherson, Saddam's not currently engaged in his chosen career path of 'population management', he has no sons (left) that can embarrass him in financial scandals, and he looks so dashing these days in that suit of his, sort of like a modern version of Robert Palmer, only with a beard and 1.5 million deaths under his belt...ladies? Am I right? Meow!"

But alas the hard boiled political analysts like Ms. Dowd would once again be left unsatiated with the news that the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan is the chosen one for this tough assignment.
Minister Farrakhan's resume is as varied as it is long. He hasn't been a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker, although he does have an interest in the holistic healing properties of aroma therapy; it has been reported that a mixture of frankincense, myrrh, and black pepper are his favorite (Cynthia Tucker asks-why is black pepper always last?)

He has been a vocalist, calypso singer, dancer, violinist and of course a man of God. Such range and flexibility is indeed worthy of a calypso singer and a dancer, because we can all attest to the fact that Farrakhans's career as a Minister of the Nation of Islam has as much to do with vaudevillian overstatement as Ted Kennedy has to do with a joint AA and AAA staff member singalong of "Bridge over Troubled Water."

His executive management style and experience was highlighted when he "accepted the request to host the first of a series of summits centered on the principals of reparations." Attracting "nearly 50 activists from across the country," and culminating in an international address to nearly 23 people, he exemplified his moderation by posing the bi-partisan and non-inflammatory questions "Reparations: What does America and Europe owe? What does Allah Promise?"

Truly, we are blessed to have a spiritual leader such as Minister Louis "the levees were blown up" Farrakhan at the helm of the UN; one who has the backing of the Great Mother Ships, and who is truly a harbinger of peace.

STOP THE ACLU is having a trackback party to celebrate their 100k hits. Lots of fun stuff posted their.