Chronicles of the Knights Simplar
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Breaking News: Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility for Katrina

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Is Bush off da Hook? (Kanye says,"I done thing so")

We have just received this as yet unverified claim of responsibility from Al Qaeda spokesman Abdullah ibn Ali ibn Ali ibn Accen ibn Fri al Hizifit:

(Begin transcript)
Praise be to Allah! Hurricane Katrina is the result of a perfectly executed decade long plan (with the permission and guidance of Allah), to bring down the Great Satan that is America, and it's lesser demon known as Mardi Gras, and it's whores of Babylon who show their breasts for beads; their bouncing, plentiful, ample, jiggling, creamy breasts ...ahem, please stop the tape, I need a moment, thank y... (tape cuts off.)

(Tape resumes:)
Thank you-someone get me a cigarette? [muffled voice in backround is heard] What's that Ahmed? No, I don't want to wrap my lips around a Camel-you won't get me with that one a third time, you dog! How about a Marlboro? But anyway, as I was saying. We diverted a few of our brighter students from the Zombie Meat Bomb Factories, I mean to say the Religious Schools of Peace and Tolerance (those that we could actually seperate physically from their camels and sheep), and sent them on full U.S. funded scholarships to the California Polytechnic State University in San Luis Obispo (praise be to Allah and GO MUSTANGS!!!)
There they learned that if all of the devoted members that comprise Al Qaeda and the Taliban were to abstain from the evils of bathing and showering (praise be to Allah, and would someone please open a window?), we could effect the water cycles and weather patterns enough to cause such a disaster. While we could not predict precisely where or when this disaster would befall the Great Satan, or even if it would not strike us dead instead, since we have not showered for 11 years, we didn't much care, praise be to Allah. That is all. Okay, turn it off. Christ it really stinks in here, someone light a candle! or get me a hose!...a sponge and a can of Coke!!...a friggin' stick of juicyfruit!!!, anythin(click)(end transcript.)

In a related story, Kanye West declared that "George Bush don't care about toe jam!"

The picture is a montage comprised entirely of pigs, so let me say here and now, my apologies to the pigs.

More on this breaking news and al Qaeda at:

Cutting Edge of Ecstacy

9/08/2005 03:14:00 PM |
  • I've known it all along. Always thought that weather map looked suspicious the week before the hurricane.

    By Blogger Silly Adventures, at 4:41 PM  
  • LOL!

    By Blogger OTTMANN, at 2:24 PM  
  • Give the choice, Democrats perfer 7-1 to believe that President Bush was responsible for the hurricane. Truth is, last year on a Gulf cruise, yours truly Duke Davenport started the hurricane when he inadvertently dropped his cocktail glass overboard. Opps, sorry everyone....
    Col Duke Davenport

    By Blogger Duke Davenport, at 1:21 AM  
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