Chronicles of the Knights Simplar
Looking for Logic on the Liberal Left...this may take awhile

The Shepherd and the Magi

Sunday, August 21, 2005

I am recovering from my travels to a Holy Land. Not Jerusalem, but a different kind of Holy Land. It is a veritable paradise on Earth. A worker's paradise to be exact. The streets were so wide that there hardly seemed to be any cars on them, and the people were off somewhere, probably toiling away for the common good and no doubt singing songs of praise for their Dear Leader, because I rarely caught a glimpse of the average Kim.

I was on a pilgrimage with Ted, riding my trusty battle steed Peanut, to Pyongyang, North Korea, in order to observe his talks with North Korea's leaders, or at least one of them, well, he's sort of high up, and he looked well fed at least- Vice Foreign Minister Kim Kye-gwan. It reminded me of another momentous encounter, oh, about two thousand years ago between the newborn Son of God and three wise men. Except this was Ted "If I had any humility, I would be perfect" Turner, and some short, nervous guy in a really bad suit with glasses, but otherwise, it was spot on.

Ted is working to have the DMZ turned into a nature preserve and a "peace park", and as the Boston Globe quoted Mr. Turner as saying "you can't have a peace park without peace". How very true, Ted, how very true. A sound bite like that is what we Knights Simplars are all about-it was clear, concise, and well, simple. Let me give that soundbite-making business a try- "You can't have a worker's paradise without workers. Shoeless, terrified, bark-eating workers." How was that and why are those men coming at me with cattle prods? I digress. Quickly.

The three of us stood together and surveilled the dreaded DMZ, but imagined as one a peace park/nature preserve/water slide bonanza (the last part was my idea, because I know how much the Dear Leader loves water slides.) As I sat atop Peanut in my glistening golden armor, reflecting radiant gossomer sunbeams (Peanut has glistening golden armor as well-see previous posts for importance of shiny things and the PETA website for warhorse safety equipment regulations and recommendations), I spotted a strange and beautiful bird landing next to us, apparantly attracted by the shimmering shininess of my attire. The bird exploded upon touching down, throwing me from Peanut's back and knocking me unconcious. As I slowly regained consciousness, I learned that it was an endangered white naped crane that just happened to land on one of the million or so mines in the DMZ.

As Peanut and I recuperated in one of the excellent worker's paradise hospitals/forced labor mining camps, I began to see Ted's master plan. Oh, he won't admit to it, he's far too modest for that, but I put tul and tul together. What do you get when you put one million land mines together with the endangered white naped crane? Apparantly one less mine, and a nest full of parentless endangered white naped crane eggs. As the sound bite goes-"You can't make an omelet without breaking a few endangered white naped crane eggs". Who's hungry?

*No animals were hurt in the production of this column.

Editor's note-The suffering of the North Korean People is unparalelled. You can make a difference (if not you, then who?)
Photo by Peter Kovacs

Check out the links below to learn more.
US Committee for Human Rights in North Korea-How you can make a difference.

The North Korea Freedom Coalition Website-For more information on North Korea

8/21/2005 08:58:00 PM |
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