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Chronicles of the Knights Simplar
Looking for Logic on the Liberal Left...this may take awhile

Coalition of the Chillin': SCOTUS Division

Thursday, October 06, 2005
Update-problem solved! Miers withdraws!


I am old enough to remember conservatives second-guessing President Reagan on innumerable issues. While I am concerned about Miers' experience (or lack thereof), maybe this is what the doctor ordered. I am not endorsing her necessarily, but in deference to President Bush's track record so far, I am willing to listen and give her a chance. Is that so wrong?

Thanks to Patrick Ruffini


Open letter to John F'ing Kerry

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
To John F'ing Kerry:

Dear John:
As you may know it's Tuesday (I thought I'd start slowly, since you did worse than President Bush at school.) Do you know why Tuesday is important? Because it's the FREE JOHN KERRY'S SF180 BLOGGER BONANZA! Sorry, I'll stop shouting now. You promised us on national television. We will even help you fill it out. Do you need a pen? Are there ketchup stains on it? What exactly is the F'ing problem? We will keep writing to you. We will keep writing about you. We will correct the old adage that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Once again, we ask you to let your 180 go!

I'm sure that this is a bipartisan effort, because as you have repeatedly reminded us, you are a war hero, so why should you or any of your followers be worried about releasing these forms? You guys should be happy to do so. Share your daring exploits with us. Hell, maybe I'll even vote for you, before I vote against you (now I know I've had too much cough syrup!) Did you throw it over a fence, or was it someone else's 180, or just a copy of the 180? It's so hard to keep it all straight isn't it? John, we'll talk to you next week, in the mean time-did you look under one of Teresa's couches?

If you would like to ask John F'ing Kerry where his 180 forms are, write him here


Welcome to the Chronicles of the Knights Simplar

Friday, September 30, 2005
Repost from August 20, 2005-first entry

I fear that I am the last member of this ancient order. Join me on my quest to find shining beacons of liberty and freedom. Who doesn't like shiny things? Well, I love shiny things, just look at this suit I'm wearing. You thought you had trouble getting through the airport? But that just goes to show how much I really enjoy shiny things.

Anyway, where was I...ah yes, join me on my quest to uncover the brave and shiny deeds of liberty loving heroes like Michael Moore, Nancy Pelosi and Ted Turner. Prime examples of the selfless, shiny (sorry) courage required to keep this great land of ours as free as Vichy France.


Ancient Order of the Knights Simplar-About Us


Repost from August 21, 2005-mission statement
As I said, I am the last member of this ancient order. Why am I the last you might ask? Well, chicks don't seem to dig the armor as much as we thought they would (it does get hot at the beach), and since we are a monastic order, even if we get a girl, we couldn't, well, you know, make little Knights Simplars.

But I continue my mission unabated to cherish and celebrate the simple things in life. We are devoted to the simple things, and complexity in all of it's dastardly forms is our sworn enemy, although complex carbohydrates aren't that bad, and we don't go as far as the Amish (we use buttons, for example, and computers).

Specifically it is the search for simple thoughts that drives me and my trusty warhorse, Peanut, forward on our quest. Those thoughts that are unblemished by such things as consideration, contemplation, and reflection. I will brook no epistemological distinctions and I shall bear no logical causalities in my quest, so help me God! But where does one look to find such purity? Wait! I think Ted Turner just said something!


North Korean Sports Update

Thursday, September 29, 2005
Since there isn't much going on today-this congressman is under indictment, that Chief Justice is sworn in, yada, yada...I thought I'd look around for something interesting;

Korean News:
Peanut and I have fond memories of our time recuperating in the excellent worker's paradise hospital/forced labor mining camp (see The Shepherd and the Magi for more on that) so I was distressed when I discovered that I missed the first day of the Pyongyang International Invitational Bowling Tournament (scroll half way down), but I am pleased to say that there are still two more days of excitement to come. Jong In Chol, the Vice-Chairman of the Korean Physical Culture and Sports Guidance commission, opened the festivities with a speech, in which he said the tournament would help in "promoting the development and dissemination of bowling technique." Indeed! Great stuff from the vice-chairman, but with all do respect, what gives? Why didn't the actual Chairman of the KPC-SGC show up? What could be more important in your country than the PIIBT?
Perhaps I'm due for a little re-education but the Annual People's Lawn Dart-Political Prisoner Reunification Celebration (symbolic of the inevitable and glorious "national unity") isn't for another two weeks, and the Annual Democratic Children's Juche Whack-A-Mole Tournament has been cancelled, since the confusion at last year's tournament when the Dear Leader was almost pummeled to death by mistake. Perhaps you were in negotiations with the IOC? In any case, be sure to tune in to the DPRKESPN for all of the coverage!
Sir Tad, signing out.

To see how you can help the people of North Korea check out The U.S. Committee for Human Rights in North Korea (HRNK)


I Endorse Reparations*!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Hat tip Little Green Footballs

Mellanie Philipps discusses the book "White Gold" by Giles Milton, which details the religion of peace's two centuries long kidnapping and slavery ring. These victims were mostly from Cornwall and England. I would like to caution that although the book has been substantiated by numerous historic documents it has not been approved by Dan Rather or Mary Mapes.

More information on Dhimmitude

*Not really-it was just a grabber, sorry.


Take Back the Memorial Success...for a while

Hat tip Michelle Malkin

Pataki says "Freedom Center" won't be at Ground Zero

Former Mayor Rudolph Guiliani, in a written statement, said "the governor has made the right decision."


Help John Find His Missing War Records

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I know they're here somewhere...Teresa!

240 Day ago, John F'ing Kerry promised the people of this country, while on national television, that he would sign SF 180 (special form 180) so that his full and complete military records could be released to anyone who asked for them.

Mr. Russert: Would you sign Form 180?
Sen. Kerry: But everything, Tim...
Mr. Russert: Would you sign Form 180?
Sen. Kerry: Yes, I will.

On June 7, 2005, Kerry had some records released to his biographer, Boston Globe reporter Michael Kranish. They have yet to be released to anyone else, and the Globe isn't telling us what's in them. They will only say that there is a"lack of any substantive new material about John Kerry's military career in the documents." Then what's the problem? Is it that the records aren't complete? Do they include the after-action reports related to Kerry's awards? Do they include details of his traitorous meeting with the Provisional Revolutionary Government in Paris? John F'ing Kerry, what's the F'ing problem? Set your records free!

Free Kerry's 180 Blogroll by Cao's Blog. The blogburst will be every Tuesday until Kerry's 180 is released. Join today, and help Free Kerry's 180!


Sir Tad Goes to Washington Jail




From the Scribe-
Being Knights Simplars, Sir Tad and his fierce battle charger Peanut are big fans of Dan Brown's books. Whenever they can, they love reading about our sister organization the Knights Templar, and the conspiricies that surround them. Sir Tad came to learn that the Scribe Dan Brown's latest book was going to be about the Freemasons and was to take place in our Great Nation's Capitol, Washington D.C., so Sir Tad and Peanut headed to Washington to visit the Masonic Temple there, and to do a little sightseeing. Never did we expect the distressing phone call that was to follow-

"Thank you for calling the Global Headquarters of the International Knights Simplar, LLC. Your call is very valuable to us..."

Sir Tad, "Yes, hello! I need to speak to someone in..."

"If you would like instructions in English, please press 1, por habla Espagnol ..."

"Damnest be thou foul voicemail system!" Sir Tad exclaimed in fury as he smashed his mailed fist into the phone.

"You chose...23...for Norwegian. Is this correct? Please press 1 if this is corr.."

When he once again smashed the cursed phone, a policman looked over at him at which Sir Tad replied, "sorry about that."

"You pressed...54. I'm sorry, but...54 is not an option. To hear the menu again, please press 1...to speak to an actual person, please stay on the line."

Twenty three minutes later, Sir Tad finally got through to me and he excitedly explained what happened.

I said "Slow down Sir Tad and start from the beginning please!"

"Well, Peanut and I were a little tired from walking all day and my feet were quite sore since I was wearing my new boots of mail, and we were a little lost if I must admit it, so we just sat down for a few minutes in front of the White House..."

"I see, they don't really allow you to do that..." I replied. "I know that now!" Sir Tad shouted, "But no one bothered to tell me that! All of the guards were busy watching a group of people approaching with the same kind of sign-on-a-stick thingies that I saw in Texas."

"Yes, signs of protest, go on..." I urged.

"Well, the next thing I knew," continued Sir Tad, "all of these people started sitting around me, and I thought I recognized a few of them from that excellent Cookout in Crawford that I attended a few weeks ago, so I started chatting to one or two of them and the next thing I know, Peanut and I are being thrown into a Paddy Wagon!"

"That's incredible! Didn't you receive some type of warning to move on before they arrested you?" I queried.

Sir Tad replied sheepishly,"Well, I might have, but there was much noise, and I had my helmet on, and you know how hard it is to hear with this thing."
"Yes, I think I understand," I offered, "I'll contact the legal department forthwith and we'll have you and Peanut out in no time."
Sir Tad said in a hushed tone, "Yes and please hurry, for I cannot take this much longer!"
"Why? Is it really so bad? Are they forcing a confession out of you? Beating you with an old telephone book? Electric shock?" I asked urgently.

"No, it's not that," Sir Tad replied, "Peanut and I stopped at Taco Bell for lunch, and you know how much Peanut loves those tasty burritos, and then they put us in the same cell and....just hurry boy! God Speed!"

I am happy to report that Sir Tad and Peanut hath since been freed after we paid their fines and they are recovering from their ordeal nicely.

For previous exploits of the Knights Simplar see-
Welcome to the Knights Simplar
Ancient Order of the Knights Simplar-About us
The Shepherd and the Magi
You Can't Stop Running Water
Thank God for Sean Penn!
Picnic with the ACLU


September Straw Poll

Patrick Ruffini has the September Straw Poll up at his site. Pretty interesting stuff. He has added a new feature that allows you to tag your vote and track it.


I'm a Republican and I'm Ashamed of Democratic Tactics


It is coming out that the "Republican Ashamed of this GOP" is actually a Democrat. His contributions to the DNC and John Kerry are coming to light. I am not holding my breath for the mainstream media to cover this in follow up stories. Wizbang has the list of campaign contributions. Hat tip to The Art of th Blog. What is impressive is that this "man" manages to fit two lies in using only eight words. He isn't a Republican, and he has no shame!

Let me cut the weaselers off at the pass. I know many corporations donate to both parties to cover their bases, but these are donations by private individuals, listed as Mr. or Mrs. Jeb Eddy depending on the donation. If you can find evidence of similar contributions by the darling couple to the RNC, then by all means, bring them to light, otherwise save your breath.


Charade of Fools or See Cindy Smile

Monday, September 26, 2005
"The whole world is watching" Cindy Sheehan make a mockery out of the risks and sacrifices that real political dissidents face in their fight for freedom. I say this because she intentionally got herself arrested for the symbolism of it all. She wasn't being arrested for speaking, or protesting; she was arrested for sitting. Anytime and anyplace a person wants to protest and picket, the big rule is that you have to keep walking, and you can't obstruct traffic. I don't care if you're a paid picketer in front of Kmart-they will arrest you if you sit down. She was warned three times by the police (and I'll bet the farm they were polite while doing it,) and she ignored them. But the message Cindy and her handlers hope to send (with a very helpful media) is that the Bush administration and it's jackbooted thugs are squashing her right to free expression. Of course, to anyone with a brain, it is apparent that Cindy has had no trouble protesting and running her mouth, in Crawford, New York, and Washington (for the last day.)
By even hinting that there is solidarity or similarity between their sophomoric antics and the brave actions of those who have struggled and still struggle for basic freedoms against tyrannical and oppressive regimes (try Tibet, China, and the former Soviet Block for a few,) Sheehan and her handlers show their ignorance of and contempt for the very real sacrifices that the truly oppressed make in an attempt to achieve freedom. But Cindy has already made the ultimate sacrifice you say? No she hasn't, her son made the ultimate sacrifice-Cindy is enjoying her celebrity.


Video and more coverage at Michelle Malkin's post "The Moonbats Aren't Done Yet!"

Blogs for Bush has a suggestion for what to do with Cindy

California Conservative has a nice commentary about a spot on piece by Chris Hitchens

Barking Moonbat Early Warning System sums it up nicely

UPDATE- Little Green Footballs has CODEPINK memo detailing plans to get Sheehan arrested. Talking points include Mahatma Ghandi!



I am Pro-Victory

Inspired by Jay Tea at Wizbang and created by A North American Patriot. Go there to get the code for your site. Here is the article by Jay.


Five Things To Do Today!

Sunday, September 25, 2005
1) Contact your Representatives and Senators to support U.S. Congressman John Culberson's (R-Texas) push for legislation to create a citizen border patrol (HR 3622.) The members of a citizen border patrol would be deputized to make arrests, and authorized to carry a firearm. (see lower left of this page for your Congressional contacts.)

2) Contact your State Representatives (especially if you live in Michigan) and urge them to enact a law allowing citizens the right to actually defend themselves, rather than require them to run away. I know this concept may be in stark contrast to the Clinton Military Doctrine of "tucking tail and running" and the inscrutable strategy of"snatching defeat from the jaws of victory," as espoused by our fine anti-war activists (see Michelle Malkin's A Day Among the Moonbats for photos. Yipes!) This law would not prohibit you from exercising the aforementioned strategies of conflict avoidance, but it can't hurt that when you are defending yourself and your family, you are actually allowed to, um, defend yourself and your family. Sarah Brady's concern is that we're "going to get the right to use them [firearms] willy-nilly." To show that we are not above compromise, I encourage you to ask your Congressmen to take the phrase "willy-nilly" out of any pending legislation. Who says we can't work together?

3) Honor a true American Hero, Rick Rescorla, by going to Political Nightmare, and reading the inspiring and heartbreaking account of his last day on Earth, and then sign the online petition to award him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.


4) If you haven't done so already, help honor more American Heroes by signing the Take Back the Memorial Petition and the Flight 93 Memorial contact form.


5) Now go relax and enjoy yourself. Hug your kid, hug a tree or hug a cold one; read a book, go for a walk, visit an elderly relative; I don't care what you do, just enjoy yourself and your family! Why are you still reading this? Go do something!



A Better Political Quiz, and Saturday Night Link-Fest Jamboree

Saturday, September 24, 2005
Basil's blog is having an Open Comment Party and Open Trackback Posting.

Sandor of The Zoo has the Blogosphere Political Compass Project. He's mapping the results from a variety of bloggers on a graph. I came out with a (6.5, .46), cozily next to Michelle Malkin who had a (6.8, 0 -no offense intended to Mr. Malkin!) Take the test and see who you come out by. I didn't see Ann's name on the list, but anyway- Ann! Call me!

One of the worst (and funniest) pictures you will ever see at California Conservative
Moonbattery has the latest American't sentiment regarding the planned "International Freedom Center" at Ground Zero
Right Thinking from the Left Coast has the life changing benefits of Tequila
Strange Women Lying in Ponds invites one and all to crash a barking moonbat festival on October 21st at UM Law
STOP the ACLU tells how the ACLU is Waging War On Recruiters-again
Amber Alert for President Bush's missing swagger at Scrappleface, he also reveals that most Americans are not actually in Iraq
Jihad Watch has the latest on, well, watching the Jihad. Islamic Clerics are asked to leave Somaliland


No More K. Annan, Now we want Farrakhan!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

(This is a Precision Guided Humor Assignment, for the Alliance of Free Blogs)
Late last night, in a heated closed session-pizza party-Slip N' Slide jamboree, Louis Farrakhan was elected the new Secretary General of the United Nations. While Kofi Annan's tenuous position as Secretary General has been the subject of many ponderous columns in leading newspapers, and many bake sale fundraisers at the New York Times, this latest news took even the most jaded pundits by surprise.

Maureen Dowd, beguilingly astonished as she was, managed to sniff a few lines...out. She wrote "We were all voting for Saddam! I mean, who better? With thanks to George Bushy Busherson, Saddam's not currently engaged in his chosen career path of 'population management', he has no sons (left) that can embarrass him in financial scandals, and he looks so dashing these days in that suit of his, sort of like a modern version of Robert Palmer, only with a beard and 1.5 million deaths under his belt...ladies? Am I right? Meow!"

But alas the hard boiled political analysts like Ms. Dowd would once again be left unsatiated with the news that the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan is the chosen one for this tough assignment.
Minister Farrakhan's resume is as varied as it is long. He hasn't been a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker, although he does have an interest in the holistic healing properties of aroma therapy; it has been reported that a mixture of frankincense, myrrh, and black pepper are his favorite (Cynthia Tucker asks-why is black pepper always last?)

He has been a vocalist, calypso singer, dancer, violinist and of course a man of God. Such range and flexibility is indeed worthy of a calypso singer and a dancer, because we can all attest to the fact that Farrakhans's career as a Minister of the Nation of Islam has as much to do with vaudevillian overstatement as Ted Kennedy has to do with a joint AA and AAA staff member singalong of "Bridge over Troubled Water."

His executive management style and experience was highlighted when he "accepted the request to host the first of a series of summits centered on the principals of reparations." Attracting "nearly 50 activists from across the country," and culminating in an international address to nearly 23 people, he exemplified his moderation by posing the bi-partisan and non-inflammatory questions "Reparations: What does America and Europe owe? What does Allah Promise?"

Truly, we are blessed to have a spiritual leader such as Minister Louis "the levees were blown up" Farrakhan at the helm of the UN; one who has the backing of the Great Mother Ships, and who is truly a harbinger of peace.

STOP THE ACLU is having a trackback party to celebrate their 100k hits. Lots of fun stuff posted their.


Flappy Bird!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

From the Scribe:
We here at the Chronicles of the Knights Simplar would like to take this opportunity to thank you, our dear and gentle reader, for today we have achieved the coveted rank of "Flappy Bird" within the TTLB ecosystem, after being in existence only a little over a month. Though we are half way up on the Flappy Bird list, we are in danger of being overtaken by a fine little blog entitled "Paris Hilton's Third Nipple", but we are confident we shall overcome.
We would like to encourage your continued and future patronage by assuring you that, given what we know of Sir Tad, there is nowhere for us to go but down. Thank you again.

Special thanks to Stop the ACLU, A Knight's Blog, and The Accidental Misanthrope for being among the first people to link to us, and our undying gratitude to The Aliance of Free Blogs, for pushing us over the edge, so to speak.


At Last, A True Man of God

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

"Minister" Nashim Nzinga, of the Black Panthers, "speaks"-there is nothing that I can possibly say to make this funnier than it actually is-see the video here-The Political Teen, hat tip to Michelle Malkin

For some fascinating information on the "Great Mother Ship", check out the Accidental Misanthrope


Three of a Perfect Pair

Monday, September 19, 2005

"The Iraqi's who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow-and they will win." Michael Moore, 4/14/2004

"Freedom fighters from other countries are going in," Cindy Sheehan speaking on Iraq, August 6, 2005

"We have declared a bitter war against democracy and all those who seek to enact it."- Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, January 23, 2005

Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi-as the King Crimson song goes, they are "three of a perfect pair." Our government did nothing about Hanoi Jane. John Kerry admitted that he was a war criminal , and yet he was able to run for President. When will it end?
If you have had enough of this, then check out the Daily Banana's article "Who's up for a Lawsuit?, because he has a pretty good idea germinating over there. Is there a lawyer in the house?

For Cindy's latest exploits, see Michelle Malkin


It's here! International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Sunday, September 18, 2005
Don't forget! Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
The Original Talk Like a Pirate Day site